The Pier.

Andrew walked to the end of the pier, paused, and used his index finger to push up his embarrassingly large mock Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. Some four days earlier, to combat his buyer’s remorse, he concluded that the sunglasses were not embarrassingly large, but rather his face was just unnaturally small. Anything to justify a fashionable purchase. As Andrew squinted to survey the rippling water before him, raising his right arm to assist, his anger came back to him. It began as placid as the water before him then slowly took shape, rising steadily above his larynx, breaking on his tongue, and finally crashing into the salty air around him.

“FUCK! BITCH!”

The words did not belong together and yet were impossible to separate. The feelings he had for Megan, that of unbridled lust just fifteen minutes prior, had mutated into a horrible monster - a monster whose vocabulary now defied that of modern American English.

“Shhhh-fffffff-gahhhhhhhhDDDAMNIT WHORE!”

A nearby child giggled. Andrew shooed him away with the furrowed brow of a madman. It wasn’t the first time he had his heart broken. It was, however, the first time he had it broken while wearing sunglasses that were half the size of the average human face. The combination of feeling used and feeling foolish created an intense fury so blinding, even his stupid eyewear couldn’t bend the light enough to make him see. Just as Andrew was about to throw his fuming body wildly into the Pacific, a voice called.

“Stop!”

It wasn’t Megan. It was, however, a woman’s voice. To Andrew, this meant it might as well be Megan. He shouted instinctively at the voice, knees still bent and arms extended in proper launch-off-the-pier position, a position appearing as stupid as it sounds.

“DON’T TRY TO STOP ME, WHORE!”

Not-Megan frowned and crossed her arms, waiting for Andrew to unfreeze and turn around. There they remained in what might have been a beautiful street performance, had they actually been on a street and had it actually been an intentional performance. The child from earlier giggled again. Andrew hadn’t shooed him far enough away from the situation.

“Can you make him leave?” Andrew asked, boiling with rage but trying to sound calm.

“That’s my little sister.” Not-Megan replied bluntly.

“I’m sorry,” Andrew started, “I can’t see a thing through these damn sunglasses.”

“Why don’t you turn around and come talk to me?” asked Not-Megan. “I want to see your face.”

“I don’t know,” Andrew said, locked in his silly circus position.

“At least stop standing like that. You look like an idiot.”

“You don’t mean it.”

“I do. You look like a fucking idiot.”

“Really?”

“It’s embarrassing,” said the little boy, who was actually a little girl.

Andrew unfroze in a huff and pointed at the child.

“WHAT ARE YOU?!”

Not-Megan bent down and whispered into the little girl’s ear. The girl smiled and nodded. Not-Megan handed her a five dollar bill and patted her on the butt as she turned to race back down the pier. Not-Megan watched her for a second and then turned to Andrew with a frown.

“What’s your problem?”

“Look, I don’t expect you to understand, but my girlfriend just broke up with me. I’m going a little crazy.”

“Were you about to drown yourself?” Not-Megan asked, approaching Andrew slowly.

“Heck no,” Andrew said. “What do I look like, Ophelia?”

“Nice Hamlet reference.”

“Thanks.”

Whatever chemistry had developed between Andrew and Not-Megan over the previous five minutes had become incredibly obvious. Andrew began to wonder when she would leave, citing “irreconcilable differences” and taking off down the pier at the speed of “Fuck you, giant sunglasses!” In the middle of his over-analyzation, Not-Megan held out her hand and introduced herself. 

“Hi, I’m Megan.”

“That’s unfortunate.” Andrew said, reluctantly shaking Megan’s extended hand.

“Why’s that?” 

“Because the girl that broke my heart was named Megan and I kind of want to take a giant dump on that name right now. No offense.”

“None taken.”

An awkward silence ensued, and Andrew finally removed his stupid sunglasses. He spoke softly to himself.

“Fucking stupid sunglasses. Genius purchase, Andy.”

Megan laughed.

“You know, I actually really liked them. You looked cute.”

“Yeah, right.” Andrew said, chucking the sunglasses into the water.

“I’m serious! In fact, I’ll tell you what, Not-Andrew. Let’s go get some cheese fries and we’ll talk all about your wonderful sunglasses.”

“Not-Andrew?” Andrew asked, thoroughly confused.

“Yeah, sorry. It’s my ex-boyfriend’s name. He hates cheese fries. I was actually on my way to drown myself and then I ran into you, dude.”

“Yikes. Well, I’m glad you found me. I’m sorry to say though, my name is actually Andrew.”

“Fuck you, it is!” 

Andrew laughed and held out his hand.

“How about those cheese fries, Megan?”

Megan smiled.

“Oh, Andrew.” 

There was a long pause.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I always forget this part.”

“Goddamnit, Andrew.”

“I’M SORRY!”

“What’s so difficult to understand? You invite me to get cheese fries, I smile and bat my eyelashes, and then we engage in a passionate first kiss!”

“Ugh, it just seems so contrived. We’ve kissed a million times. Why do we need to keep pretending like we broke up just to spark romance? It’s so stupid.”

“Oh, okay. I suppose you’d rather rent a movie, order pizza, and do it missionary style again?”

“Yes, Megan. Yes. What’s wrong with that?!”

“EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH THAT, ANDREW!”

“Have you ever noticed that we use our same fucking names in our role playing? How dumb is that? We’re pretending to be other people and we use the same goddamn names! Whose idea was that, anyway?”

“Yours.”

“Was it?”

“Yes.”

“I guess I only have eyes for Megans.” Andrew said, softly rubbing his hand on Megan’s cheek.

“Oh, Andrew,” Megan said, smiling and batting her eyelashes.

In this beautiful moment, Andrew and Megan engaged in the most passionate first kiss the pier had seen since the previous night, when Andrew and Megan pretended they were Andrew and Megan and engaged in the most passionate first kiss the pier had seen since the night before that night when, well…you get the idea. It was love.